The Six Dimensional Man
Our hero, Steve, stood in front of the brown varnished door labelled 'Maker'. Under the label was one of those sliding shutters that allowed only one of two options to be seen: 'IN' or 'OUT'. It showed 'IN'. Steve hesitated a moment, took a deep breath and tapped tentatively on the door. A muffled voice called "Come in", so in he went.
"Complaint or compliment?", asked the duty officer.
"Well, compliments obviously", said Steve "but I have been thinking, and wondered if it would be too bold of me to make a suggestion."
"We mostly get compliments, but you have a suggestion, eh? I don't see why not. Wait here till that red light goes green. You are lucky we are not too busy today."
Steve sat down on the last of a row of empty chairs, near a second varnished door and the red light, and waited while he tried to compose his thoughts. At last the door slid open and out stumbled a young woman with outstretched hands as in a trance; or as a rabbit might if exposed to a car's headlights. A moment later the light went green and in went Steve.
The figure before him seemed perfectly familiar; in fact very like all the pictures, though somewhat larger than he had expected; fatter, more easy-going, and more smiling. Steve bowed his head a little in unconscious modesty.
"Well," said the Maker, "I gather you have some ideas. Are you wondering why you only have two legs, perhaps? I often get that." And he beamed a good-natured smile down on Steve. "I really don't think you would find an extra leg any better; or two, for that matter. Think of sitting down. Where would you put them? Or typing, or playing the piano?"
"No, it wasn't more legs. I think two is just fine, thank you. Brilliant, in fact. It is just that I heard someone say it was possible to have more than three dimensions. Is that really possible?"
"Yes, of course it is. You can have almost as many as you wish. Would you like a fourth dimension; temperature perhaps? That would perhaps make you feel more distinguished, feel you had one more degree of freedom. How would you like that?"
"That is exactly the sort of thing I was thinking of. Wonderful. How would it work?".
" Just as you and the others can go forwards and backwards, or up and down, so you would be able to get hotter or colder. Not exactly like up and down, for you cannot go very far down in temperature before you get to the bottom. But you can go up without limit. "
"Very interesting," said Steve. "Up is easier than down is it? " and he glanced up for the first time to catch the trace of a blush on the Maker's face, who sat for a few moments at his desk playing with a paperknife.
"Give it a try", suggested the Maker. "I do not think you will find that to be a serious limitation; most people prefer moderately warm temperatures. You can come back next week if it does not do the trick."
Steve, overcome with a feeling of blessedness, thanked the Maker, and left. Out in the street he looked around him. Would his fellow citizens realise his distinction? He popped into a stationers and had some cards printed 'Four dimensional man' followed by his name and address. These he would give out whenever he got into conversation with somebody he judged able to appreciate the implications.
On one such occasion the recipient, after hearing the explanation, looked at the card a second time, and said: "But I think I also have a temperature; I use this little thermometer, and can find the numerical value of my temperature in centigrade or absolute degrees, whenever I want."
Steve was back outside the brown varnished door at the same time on the following week. He was admitted again and greeted again with the same grace and genial good humour.
"Dissatisfied?" asked the Maker.
"No, no; very satisfied" said Steve. "It is just that I find a number of people also have a temperature, and was wondering if I could have something a tad more esoteric. You said one could have almost as many dimensions as one wanted."
" Sure thing; no problem. What about 'Glow', or 'Spin'? They are a little more esoteric. ".
"Yes, those sound intriguing. Do tell me what they govern?"
"Well, 'Glow' governs happiness. You can travel from very, very unhappy to very, very happy. Once again there is a limitation, I am afraid; you cannot get away from the mean. You cannot always be happy. 'Spin' is a bit more mysterious. You cannot have two bodies in the same place if they have the same spin; but you can if they have opposite spins. It works well in some long-term marriages."
"I shall try that one, if I may", and Steve left the presence as delighted as he had been the previous week. He asked the stationer if he could cross out the word 'Four' and over-print with 'Five', but was persuaded to scrap the old cards and start with some new ones.
With his Spin he felt he was getting closer to his dream-world of sub-atomic mysteries. But he was still not completely satisfied. He felt he was still a long way from being able to be in two places at once. Nor could he be alive and dead at the same time; though admittedly that was not a high priority in his dream world, except perhaps as a stunt.
So he turned up again at the now-familiar door and, as before, was admitted to the antechamber; and there he waited as before, until the red light went green and he was allowed into the presence.
"How goes it with Spin", he was asked.
" Oh, fine! Yes, quite fine, thank you. It turns out my wife and I do not get on all that well, so it is not as much use as it might have been. Do you know anything about alternative universes".
" Not much" admitted the Maker. "We could try reversing 'Time' for you. Before the Big-Bang and the origin of this universe there was another universe exactly like this one, only the mirror image, as it were."
"What about the multiverse?" asked Steve.
"Oh that's just a theory, and probably a wrong one." The Maker gave a chuckle, before modestly adding "In my opinion."
"Oh," said Steve, in naïf admiration at the straight-forward frankness of his Maker. "Do explain –– please."
"Well, you know how a single electron can go through two adjacent slits at once, and give an interference pattern. You might well ask how a single entity and a single instance can give a probability pattern. One possible explanation is that the one electron in one instant is really present simultaneously in a hundred or more parallel universes. So you can talk of an average position, or a probability. But that interpretation depends on the Quantum Theory being right, and I am not sure it is. "
"Is there an alternative theory?" asked Steve.
"Well, yes, there are several, as a matter of fact; for example David Bohm's 'Hidden Variable' theory. If you knew the value of that hidden parameter, the electron's initial state would not be indeterminate, and nor would any of its subsequent states. But this is very new stuff, you know. Not confirmed."
"I wouldn't mind testing out a hidden variable, if you like", Steve offered.
"I think it would be very unwise to tinker with anything you do not fully understand", said the Maker. But for Steve the idea of a new batch of business cards bearing the words 'Six Dimensional Man' had already seized his mind; he could think of nothing else.
"Please", said Steve, then added "if you can", which provoked a slight frown on the previously bland face of his Maker.
Out on the street he gave a skip of sheer delight, and hastened off to the stationer. The next day the stationer brought the neat box of new cards to Steve's house, but Steve's wife explained that she had not seen her husband since the previous evening.
And indeed, Steve was never seen again. Not around town and, as far as we know, not anywhere.
